self care + wellness

Saying no is hard, but not as hard as taking on projects that you neither have the time or interest for. I will show you how to say no, without guilt.

So many of us have a hard time saying no. Maybe you are an obliger. Maybe you are a woman who was taught that culturally you need to be a selfless caregiver. Perhaps you are a passive-aggressive Midwesterner that doesn’t like to disappoint people.

Whatever the reason, we all need to flex your no muscles.

It is hard and can be scary. So start with simple things. Say no to that party you don’t want to go to and tell your brother that you cannot go to the Nascar race with him this year.

How do you say no? Follow these four easy steps:

Just say it.

Don’t beat around the bush or say that ‘I will get back to you.” This will drag the situation out even longer and make things even more awkward the next time around. Saying no is like taking off a band-aid – it is best to get it over with.

Do not apologize or make an excuse.  

And, dear Lord, don’t lie! You don’t have to tell your sister why you don’t want to go to her Tupperware party. An “I’m sorry, I can’t make it” or “I don’t have any time in my schedule,” is just fine.

Stick to your guns.

After a firm but polite no if the person keeps going at you, don’t back down. Their insistence is more likey about their insecurities than you saying no. If it is your boss asking, you will probably have to have a more extended conversation. Assuming you are a good employee, you can probably get away with saying no. 

Say thanks for asking and then move on.

Don’t feel guilty or second guess yourself. 

Learning how to say no has been of the most important things I have learned to do for myself. It has helped me create more margin in my days and is one massive step in creating a life I love for myself.

PS – Five areas where I can’t be low maintenance.

My morning routine is pretty structured. I get up, and the whole thing goes on autopilot. On the other hand, My evening routine is much more free-flowing. Some nights I have some things to check off my to-do list so I spend some quality time with my laptop. Other times, Jesse is home, and we linger over dinner and talk.

It doesn’t matter if your evening routine I structured or free-flowing. The point is to find the things you need to do each night to set yourself up for a restful sleep and an excellent start to tomorrow morning.

There are a few things that are on my must-do list each day after work:

Get a bit of outside time.

I spend most of my days trapped in a near windowless building. So when I finally get home, I like to spend at least 15 minutes outside. I may take the dog for a walk, or I might spend time weeding the garden. If the day was particularly rough, I might lay in the grass under the tree with my dog.

I do this even on the coldest days of winter. It is more important than ever on days when the temp doesn’t get above 0.

Clean Kitchen

The kitchen room we spend the most time, and it is also the room I spend the most time cleaning. After supper, I pack up the leftovers for lunches, pack the dishwasher. and wipe down the tables and counters. And most importantly, set up the coffee pot for the next morning.

Brain Dump and Relaxation Time

Once the kitchen is clean, and any other pending tasks are complete, I take some time to unwind. I might journal (a new habit I am trying out), I might make some tea and chat with my husband. I might drink a beer and watch a couple of episodes of Parks and Rec.

The key is to relax.

I keep a post-it nearby, so I can write down any tasks or ideas that pop up, so I can write them down before I lose the thread.

Go to bed on-time.

I am pretty strict on my bedtime (during the week, anyhow). And since I get up at 4:30 am, that means I try to be upstairs getting into bed by 9. I read for a bit or listen to a sleep story, but my goal is to be asleep by 9:30.

My evening routine is simple, straight-forward, and to the point. But it sets me up for a restful night’s sleep and gives me a jump on the next day.

Do you have an evening routine? What is on your list?

I am not sure how much you know about pagan religions, so I am going to start with a little history lesson.

Halloween was born from All Hallow’s Eve, which was, in turn, created to Christianity-ize the pagan holiday of Samhain. Samhain is considered one the of high holidays and is (basically) the ancient Celt version of New Year.

Much like the Pagans, I have adopted Halloween as my own New Years’ Eve. I use Halloween as a kind of fresh start. My Halloween is a bit woo-woo and a bit of fun.

There is still time to play along, here is what you do:

Write down all of the things holding you back.

I am talking about fears, money issues, baggage from old relationships, or stupid things you blame on your parents. All of it. Whatever that nasty little voice in your head says to you when you think about going back to school, looking for a new job, or talking to that cute girl.

Let that shit go.

Now using any ceremonial method, destroy those slips of paper. I live in the country, so I toss them in a bonfire while drinking a beer. Flush them down the toilet, tear them up into little pieces, let them float away on the wind. Do whatever makes you the happiest.

Write down a list of 100 dreams.

Now that you are free from what is holding you back grab some paper, and write down a list of 100 dreams. These can be both big and small. The key is to put down an idea no matter how outlandish. These are dreams, not goals. This is a time to dream big!

Do you have a weird holiday tradition? I would love to hear about it!

There are lots of things you should be doing to get ready for winter (at least if you live in a place where you have an actual winter). These lists are all over the internet. They are full of tips like getting your furnace checked out by a professional, do an energy audit, and check for drafts.

Those things are essential, don’t get me wrong. But they are not on the list of things that I do to prepare myself for winter.

Many of these things are practical, some – not so much. But they are essential fall tasks to prepare me for the long Minnesota winters.

I stock up on tea and hot chocolate.

Specifically, I get the Traditional Medicals Echinacea and Gypsy Cold Care tea and any of the Sleepytime varieties. My hot chocolate of choice is the Swiss Miss in the packets. We spend my childhood drinking these, so the nostalgia factor is huge.

I dig out my boots, hats, and gloves.

I don’t have much as far as clothes go, so I don’t have to swap many things out as the seasons change, but winter gear is another story. I have a tote in the garage where I store our gloves, boots, and hats. I hang my coats on the hooks in the garage and swap out my gardening gloves for mittens.

I get the ice melt and snow shovel out of storage.

When I dig out my gloves and boots, I also dig out the snow shovel and ice melt. It is much easier to get these items before the freezing rain and heavy snows set in.

I get my car checked out.

I have my guy check out my tires and give her an ol’ once over. I also throw an old heavy sweatshirt, and an old pair of boots and some thick socks in my trunk. Just in case.

I stock up on cold and flu meds.

There is nothing worse than waking up feeling like shit and not having anything meds. I am partial to medications of the hippie variety: echinacea, elderberry, zinc, etc. I do keep the medicine cabinet stocked with the standard Night Quil variety too, for when things get bad.

I put plastic on the old windows.

As part of our remodel, we are swapping out all of our old crappy windows with new ones. We finished up the downstairs a couple of years ago, but the upstairs windows are still drafty AF. I keep those handy kits on hand and pull out my hair drier and get started.

You found out what I do to prepare for winter, but now it is your turn. What do you do to get ready for the colder months?

PS – Deliberate Unawareness for Self-Care

Some of the links in this post are affiliate links. That means if you click through a link and buy something, I get a small commission and it doesn’t cost you any extra. Awesome, right?!

I was a child of the 80s and 90s, and that means my mom sat my sister and me down at the kitchen table and gave us home perms.

God, I hated perms so much.

To this day, if I am walking by a salon and I can smell the solution, I throw up in my mouth a little and shuffle briskly away.

Once I was old enough to protest the perms, I went through a phase (most of High School) where my hair was long and straight. I chopped it pretty short in college, and there was even a short time where my hair was blue.

As I have gotten older and more concerned with what I am putting on my skin (not to mention the environment at large), I have leaned toward the natural hair care. With just three simple changes, my hair is continuously shiny, soft, and thick.

And they are such simple things!

I use a natural shampoo.

A few years ago, I considered going no-poo, but the greasy transition was very, very oily, so I caved. Not long after, I was reading a blog (I wish I could remember the name of it) and she was talking about Apple Valley Natural Soap and their shampoo bars. I decided to give it a whirl and have been hooked ever since.

You can get anything from CDB Oil to body butter from Apple Valley Natural Soap. They are the best. Use my affiliate link and my coupon code (AVNSCASSIE10) to get 10% off your first order.

I don’t color my hair.

I want to be clear that I am 37 and have gray hair – a lot of it. Most of the gray is at my temples, and when I have my hair down, you can’t see it.

Some people think that I don’t color my hair because I am a hippie, that all that dye is bad for myself and for the environment (there is a reason they don’t want pregnant women to color their hair).

Others think it is because I am taking a feminist stance and am not going to let cultural norms and the patriarchy dictate how I should look and feel about myself.

Those are both great reasons, but I am going to set the record straight:

The reason I don’t color my hair now is out of sheer laziness. Good hair color is expensive, and I would much rather spend that money on, well, anything else.

I let my hair air-dry.

A few years ago a friend spent the night at my house. It was unplanned, a snowstorm rolled through, and the roads were terrible. The next morning, after showering, she asked me for a blow-drier. I handed her an ancient ConAir with a few scary spots where the plastic casing had melted that I dug out the utility room.

I shrugged, wished her luck and said the only time I used it was to shrink-wrap the plastic I put on the windows in the fall.

So, yeah. I don’t use a hair drier.

The dress code at my day job is relatively casual, so letting my hair dry naturally is not an issue. If you work at a fancier job to might not have that luxury, but if you use a microfiber towel to dry your hair, you will have to spend far less time under the drier.

I have this towel from Aquis, and it works great. I wrap my hair up in it after a shower and continue to get ready for the day. I unwrap my hair and brush it out a few minutes before leaving. My hair is usually dry by the time I get to the office.

Going natural in your beauty routines don’t have to be hard. Like most simplifying, it is more about what you don’t do than anything else.

What have you don’t to make your hair care more natural? Share it with me!

A few years ago, I was on the brink of a major burn out. There was one day I was so stressed out at work that I spent my lunch hour sitting catatonically in my car staring into space.

And it was winter. In Wisconsin.

I started taking steps right then to simplify my life.

Somethings are still a struggle. I get overwhelmed with work, and I still have that nasty urge to buy things. But I have made some steps forward. Here is what I did.

I think it is a good starting point if you are overwhelmed by life.

I say no a lot.

This one took me some time, but once I started to exercise my no muscle, it became life changing. Let me tell you something that you have heard before but need to hear again:

‘You don’t have to do things you don’t want to do.’

– me

If your family reunion sounds terrible, don’t go. If that girl’s camping weekend is not your cup of tea, just say no. It is ok. Life (and the party) will go on without you. And if your friends and family are kind and love you, they will be alright with your refusal. If not, well, see the last section.

I pared down my wardrobe.

A fashionista, I am not. I am relatively tall, and for years, it was hard to find jeans that were long enough. With that and being pretty long torso-ed also, I have a hard time finding clothes that fit.

For many years I made up for not being able to find clothes that fit well by purchasing lots of clothes that were ill-fitting. But I have found a few brands that fit me well and are made with quality materials and I stick with them. When a shirt or tank gets stretched out and weird it from the drawer into the rag pile.

I started meal planning.

When I get home from one of my 10 hour work days, my decision-making skills are pretty much down to nothing. It is a relief to look at my list and see it is already planned out for me.

Don’t even get me started on how easy it is to get groceries when you have everything all planned out. It is life changing my friends.

I set Goals and plan my days

As a goal setting junky, I set goals on a yearly and quarterly basis. I know this sounds super nerdy, but it really helps me keep moving forward. Some are work goals, some are health goals, and I always have a few home improvement goals sprinkled in.

I sit down each morning with my planner and choose the three things I need to accomplish for the day. This is pretty easy when I have a goal in mind.

I cut out toxic people and made new friends.

This one may seem a little cold, but hear me out.

We all have at least one friend that is somewhere on the toxic scale. They might complain a lot, only talk about themselves and their problems, and bail last minute on your plans.

They could be so bad they steal stuff from you, but I hope that is not the case.

No matter what kind of crappy friend they are, it is probably time you disengage. They are slowly sucking the life out of you. And you end up turning into the average of the people that you spend the most time with. So the crappy-ness is contagious.

Ditch the crappy friends and go out and find your people. It will make you so much happier.

There are many, many things you can do to simplify your life. The four ideas above are the ones that worked for me. I am curious about what you have done to simplify your life.